Feeling the Tension Between the Old and the New

On (most) Sundays, the four of us have eaten together, then set aside some intentionally spiritual time. It has been a bit awkward, but Tori has emerged as our "worship leader" and made it seem more natural. Tori & Lucas are each sponsoring a child in Bangladesh, which has given us something to focus on during these times. We also pray that other people in our area will join us, but only if/when that would be natural and right.

I still have days when I miss being a teacher/preacher. I feel like I have all this knowledge in my head, and no outlet for it. But then I'm reminded of why we set out on this different journey. I'm reminded that I really believe church is God's family, not God's business. I'm reminded that most all "pastors," even the fairly good ones, lead out of a bizarre combo of care for their people mixed with a dangerous need for self-affirmation, and I'm aware that it's good to be out of that gig -- both for me and for the people who would be forced to give me my fix. I'm reminded that I am getting to know and truly love my neighbors, with no need to manipulate them into coming to my church. We are the church in their midst. It's simple and good.

It's a lonely journey in some ways. Good friends of mine who were trained with me at the same time and place have been "in the business" long enough to now be well established and respected. They are no longer the young peons, but are strating to become the respected church leaders of their generation. Some days I feel I have lost something by chosing another path. Then I'm reminded that this journey I've been called to has a deep meaning, and I really do believe in it. I remind myself not to evaluate any of this for at least two years, then to take a look and see what really is happening within us and among us.